Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Selfishly Me..

I saw the window cracked and I slipped through, the door ajar and I pushed you.
Selfishly I sit and Wait
Patiently I exist…I debate.
Afraid to lose destined to fail, struggling to exhale.
Exhale all the tears the clog my eyes crack.
 Distrust and disgust weighing on my back.
A prodigy of blasphemy; A reality of catastrophe.
Contemptuously you sit and judge what you can’t understand, but how can any man?
You sit and wonder what’s next for you.
You look at me as I stare through you.
I see what others can’t and don’t want to see.
I see things in you that you won’t ever see.
Egotistical, philosophical, creating illusions through delusions of finer things and brighter days.
That only exists in weak in the minds of those who want more than you can give.
I was there once tormented by the what ifs and how comes, hoping my way would pull us through.
But knowing in my heart that you belonged only to you…
I began to love you, unconditionally, non traditionally, consistently…

Who Knew...

Who knew..
Who knew that it would be you? Patiently you waited…
sat back watching from a distance.
Who knew that circumstance and chance would bring us together…at this time?
Who knew those eyes would have me breathless?
Your kisses have me speechless….
Your touch makes me senseless…
Who knew that waking up would make me smile because it wasn’t a dream
IT…JUST..IS.
Damn who knew….

Gay Like Me


Did you know?

Alaska, Arizona, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Montana, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Vermont, Virginia, Washington and Wisconsin prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation in state employment. Currently, the Florida Civil Rights Act protects against discrimination in employment based on race, color, religion, sex, national origin, age, handicap, or marital status The Deutch/Skidmore Civil Rights Bill would add “sexual orientation” and “familial status” as additional protected classes.  This essentially means that in states like Florida you can be fired for being gay without legal recourse. Is this acceptable? We can vote, pay taxes, and even go to war (don’t ask don’t tell) but the basic right to work and provide for our families are not protected under the constitution.

The writer Richard Mohr begins by telling us that 1-5 Americans have a gay acquaintance, a number which should be significantly higher based on the number of homosexuals in the United States. As a lesbian woman myself, I know that number is much higher, many men and woman continue to closet their homosexuality fearing the impact on their lives both personally and professionally. My journey to “Coming out” was one of the most challenging times of my life. I was a married mother of three, living a normal heterosexual life, when at thirty I discovered my homosexuality. People often ask me if being gay was something I always knew. I couldn’t just have become gay; I must be confused or worst bisexual.  I’ve have realized that ones journey towards self discovery is unique to that persons experiences in life. I lived my life I was conditioned to, education, marriage, kids; I always knew something was missing in my relationship with men. My lack of exposure to “gay” culture, friends, and experiences limited my knowledge of sexual orientation and gender identification. The reading reflects on the two major stigmas or stereotypes of homosexuals, the first an issue of confused sexual identification the other the deviant behavior of “gays”.  Society sees me as a straight woman unless corrected, because I do not look like a bull dyke, queer, stud, or tom boy. When confronted with my orientation they are often shocked, surprised, and curious? They want to no if something happened to me. They assume that I nice feminine girl like me should be able to fine a man. Was I molested as a child/ abused by a man? Did I have some awful heterosexual experience? My more masculine counterparts however are often looked at as being born that way, trying to be something they could never be; a man. It never occurs to society that gay people are trying to live, be happy, and love just like heterosexuals.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

WTF

Things that make me say WTF!!!

People who wait until they have all their groceries rung up and then start to fill out their check.. Hello fill out what you can ahead of time, and who uses checks to shop anyway?

Women who don’t shave..ever…anywhere…

Bad personal hygiene.. F.Y.I your ears, nails, and nose need to be cleaned on a regular basis.

People who drink and then want to talk shit or worst talk shit and then get sick.

Woman who because of their own insecurities hate instead of giving props where props are due.

When I miss a sale at Arden B.

Cheap… let me say it again Cheap Ass Women….

Ignorant people; you can’t buy class your born with it.

When someone offers you a blanket because your cold and it looks like its been through some thangs..

Ok,, I’ve done this one but still hate it.. you have a function and you tell people its starts at 4PM and they START arriving at 6PM..URGG!!

People who forget to say please and thank you.

People who allow their children to tear up and never discipline them, but then want to call you talking about….  ”I don’t know why Johnny keeps getting in trouble?”

A woman or man that cant boil water..

People who bring their babies to the movies.

Waiting in long lines…just because

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Me

I’m me… continually evolving into the best me..I strive not to be better than another;
Another mother, another daughter, another lover.
Distinctively magnetic I rise above the conventional teachings of the masses.
I no longer compromise self to uplift tormented souls…
The locust filled filth the spews from green monsters now strengthen my resolve to be better.
I give thanks daily for what has been laid before me.

No Time

I have no time to cry…
Audacious…. Aggressive …Too Attentive to her needs but what about me?
I have no time to cry…
No nonsense Lady Luv, no need for excuses, expectations, conversations, I am my own mental stimulation
I have no time to cry…
Get on your way now….. Out of my head….. My body has been cleansed of your scent; you no longer run through my veins, occupy my thoughts, terrorize my dreams….
What you didn’t know?
I have no time to cry..
Exiled into bitter sweet memories, remember when’s and digital moments archived in my mind.
I have no time to cry…
Lessons learned from loving you, will allow me to love her when she comes. No more tears….Lady…
I have no time to cry

Random *&*(! this and that..

Never understood domestic violence.. I mean I understand the concept of being unable to express yourself with words, the challenge in containing ones urge to choke slam a loved one who has betrayed you.. I get that its a sign of a weak mind when a person.. any person uses violence, intimidation and or abuse to control or coerce another persons actions and or behaviors. I never needed Webster or Dr. Phil for that..Life and Love were my muse. I know what it is, what it looks like...feels like...Is. But what I never really..I mean in my gut of guts understood...was...How do we justify hurting the ones we love?  Or allow the ones who love us, to hurt us. SMDH at life right now..

So I'm a lover not a fighter. I just want to put a smile on your face and the pep in your step...Ya dig..